The impact and consequences of actions and decisions made in a flash of anger are not felt significantly until that anger subsides. That is when it hits you,’Oh my God, what have I done’. Controlling your anger and staying calm will help you to prevent an unforeseen outcome which could have a catastrophic and uncontrollable as well as irreversible situations.
You can say things that you do not mean angrily, things you cannot take back and there is no forgiveness for and then end up regretting those word. In other situations, anger may prompt you to do things that you would never do if not angry. Smashing objects which are of great value like your computer or smartphone and later, you come to realize that you do not have the means to replace them or money for them to be repaired.
People with extreme anger issues may actually get into physical altercations and bring bodily harm to themselves or others or even get arrested and charged with battery, which all could have been prevented by staying calm and keeping that anger under control.
There are ways that we can learn and master how to control anger and stay calm. Here are 12 tips on how to do just that.
1. Expressing your anger
Letting people know that you are angered or unhappy with their action is the first step towards keeping your anger under control. You need to do this in a polite way,of course in order to avoid adding gasoline to the fire. Make them understand by explaining in detail why their actions made you feel provoked or displeased. Here you justify why you feel the way you do and what they should have done instead.
2. Stop to think
Anger has a way of making you want to make others as angry as you are or to say or do things that will make them suffer or feel emotionally tormented. Before you take any action, you need to stop and think about the consequences and if they are worth it. For example, is it really worth it to throw water at your date because they said something unbelievably disrespectful about you? Taking a moment to think may dissuade you from taking drastic actions and opt for more subtle ones like simply standing up and walking out.
3. Think up a solution to the problem
Collect your thoughts and gauge the situation. This assessment will help you identify the root and source of your anger as well as a way of resolving that problem.
If your spouse or significant other has a habit of pressing the toothpaste tube in the middle and this makes you feel angry, so you think about talking to them instead of generally being angry, mean and moody towards them while maybe they do not even realize that what they are doing is wrong.
Take a breather and count from one to ten and then backwards while taking deep breaths. This will help you to relax and stay calm. If you keep this up for much longer you will notice that your anger slowly subdues and you start feeling more relaxed.
Depending on how you are feeling in that moment, you can choose to use humor to release tension. Simply laugh or crack a small joke, in a way that will not infuriate the other party of course. This helps to lighten the mood of the situation as well as makes it easier for you to handle it.
6. Pre-determine or rehearse your response
Whenever you find yourself being provoked by someone, think about what you will say to them and rehearse it. Doing this is going to help you to know if your response will make things better or worse. You are going over it in your head and thinking it through,which contributes positively to your anger management.
7. Forgive them in your head
Imagine forgiving the person who has done you wrong and in real life, you will find yourself taking actions that are not controlled by anger.The next step will be forgiving them in real life and co-exist with them.
8. Mentally escape
Picture yourself in a safe and quiet room away from all the insanity and mayhem and somewhere peaceful and happy.Preoccupying yourself with these thoughts will help you, in the meantime, to avoid doing things out of anger that you may later come to wish you hadn’t.
Sometimes it is advisable to fall back from situations that trigger blinding anger in you. Fall back and stop talking because you might end up saying something, or doing something that will have unfavourable results. You may come back later, to the person with whom you were having a heated argument when you are calm and resolve your issues.
10. Use ‘I’ statements
This is crucial in keeping anger from elevating on both sides of a given situation and the main use is to avoid blame game or shifting the blame from yourself to them.
Instead of saying,’you have the nerve to come in here and dropping my porcelain’ you can opt for a more engaging and blame free confrontation like’ I am not happy that you broke my porcelain’
Here you can communicate your feelings without faulting the other party.
11. Mentally picture a stop sign
A legible and clear warning to stop any further action pictured in your head will help you to prevent going further with your anger-driven vendetta or action.
This picture will help you to stop and reevaluate your actions every time you are provoked.
12. Be empathetic
Practicing empathy on people who disappoint or anger you will actually help you to control anger in a significant way.Put yourself in their shoes. Nobody is perfect, we have all done things that we do regret and the courtesy that was extended to us by the people who we offended should also be extended to those who offended us.What if it was you who had wronged someone? Would you not want to be forgiven?
Anger control is very important and something we must strive towards everyday. We have to manage our anger and control our emotions as well as respect other people.